I
have hesitated to write anything on the tragedy that occurred at Sandy Hook
Elementary school earlier this month.
The massacre was immediately politicized and to do that further is not
my intent. Additionally, I have no true
first-hand experience with an experience so absolutely devastating as a
mass-shooting. I am in no position to
assume how someone may grieve or cope.
Instead, I aim only to share what I’ve been thinking since that terrible
day and what I think we can learn as we move forward.
Last
week bells around the nation chimed 26 times in a moment of silence for those
killed a week prior. I watched the
television, transfixed as the faces of 20 children and six teachers crossed the
screen from my position on the treadmill and cried. I probably looked like a complete fool but
despite the silent tears (which I tried to pass off as wiping sweat from my
face) I couldn’t stop my legs. This is
long how I’ve been. We all have our own
coping mechanisms (some much healthier than others but who am I to judge) but
mine is to run. Something about the
forward motion of my body provides me with hope of life moving forward.
The
simple act of putting one foot in front of the other is, to me, representative
of putting the pieces together and going forth.
As we run, we go up hills and down, over both smooth and rough terrain,
through rain, snow, and sun, through fast and easy paces, we fight past
exhaustion, and finally we arrive at the end.
Sometimes there are blisters, sore muscles, or even scraped knees. Sometimes, there are even times when we feel
as though we cannot go on, that we are simply too exhausted; but we do go on. It is often such in life. There can be moments that seem as though life
cannot go on, but we somehow find strength from within and move on.
I
am also struck by the incredible bravery of the teachers in the school. I honestly do not know if I could ever be
that strong or selfless, I like to think I would be but I do not know. To pay tribute to those who gave their lives
it is important to be courageous every day, to look obstacles in the face and
to overcome them. Bravery may be
something as seemingly simple as offering an apology to a friend or complex as
taking a leap of faith in your career.
Finally,
as I look at the faces of the lives cut short, I become strikingly aware of how
grateful I am for my own life and for that of those I love. In times of heartbreak, I become acutely
aware of how thankful I am to train, to work, and to simply be. I am thankful to spend the holidays with my
family and thankful for those in my life.
There
is nothing that can justify horror, there is no silver lining. There are events which we cannot ever
understand the meaning of. But even in
these moments, we can learn, we can cope, and we can move forward with new
lessons in our hearts. So this holiday
season, keep those suffering in your heart, hold your loved ones close, be kind
to strangers, and run.
Finding my peace
