Just Run

I have hesitated to write anything on the tragedy that occurred at Sandy Hook Elementary school earlier this month.  The massacre was immediately politicized and to do that further is not my intent.  Additionally, I have no true first-hand experience with an experience so absolutely devastating as a mass-shooting.  I am in no position to assume how someone may grieve or cope.  Instead, I aim only to share what I’ve been thinking since that terrible day and what I think we can learn as we move forward.

Last week bells around the nation chimed 26 times in a moment of silence for those killed a week prior.  I watched the television, transfixed as the faces of 20 children and six teachers crossed the screen from my position on the treadmill and cried.  I probably looked like a complete fool but despite the silent tears (which I tried to pass off as wiping sweat from my face) I couldn’t stop my legs.  This is long how I’ve been.  We all have our own coping mechanisms (some much healthier than others but who am I to judge) but mine is to run.  Something about the forward motion of my body provides me with hope of life moving forward. 

The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other is, to me, representative of putting the pieces together and going forth.  As we run, we go up hills and down, over both smooth and rough terrain, through rain, snow, and sun, through fast and easy paces, we fight past exhaustion, and finally we arrive at the end.  Sometimes there are blisters, sore muscles, or even scraped knees.  Sometimes, there are even times when we feel as though we cannot go on, that we are simply too exhausted; but we do go on.  It is often such in life.  There can be moments that seem as though life cannot go on, but we somehow find strength from within and move on.

I am also struck by the incredible bravery of the teachers in the school.  I honestly do not know if I could ever be that strong or selfless, I like to think I would be but I do not know.  To pay tribute to those who gave their lives it is important to be courageous every day, to look obstacles in the face and to overcome them.  Bravery may be something as seemingly simple as offering an apology to a friend or complex as taking a leap of faith in your career.

Finally, as I look at the faces of the lives cut short, I become strikingly aware of how grateful I am for my own life and for that of those I love.  In times of heartbreak, I become acutely aware of how thankful I am to train, to work, and to simply be.  I am thankful to spend the holidays with my family and thankful for those in my life.   

There is nothing that can justify horror, there is no silver lining.  There are events which we cannot ever understand the meaning of.  But even in these moments, we can learn, we can cope, and we can move forward with new lessons in our hearts.  So this holiday season, keep those suffering in your heart, hold your loved ones close, be kind to strangers, and run.

Finding my peace